For the Normal

Here we go. It's Wendesday, April 11, 2012, and I am starting. I just signed up for Weight Watchers Online. No one knows this. Not even my husband, or my best friend, or my mom. I'm not doing it for them, though. I'm doing it for me.

I have constantly struggled with my weight. It has gone up and down and back up all throughout my life. I have tried to stay active, tried to eat well, and tried to be healthy. It's been hard. It's been overwhelming. But, it's been life.

I'm just normal. I don't think that I am the only one in life with these struggles. I know I'm not. But for me, I don't let them defeat me. I know it is going to take effort to get myself to where I want to be. I'm not even really sure where that is to be honest. I just want to be healthy. And happy. And I would love to fit into single-digit jeans at some point in my life.

I had my little boy almost two years ago. He is my life. And if for nothing else, I want to be healthy for him. I want him to have parents who love to play with him, and are able to. I never want to get to the point where my weight and body inhibits me from experiencing life with him. Because that wouldn't be living to me.

Since he is almost 2, we have contemplated trying for baby #2 in the near future. But, I know that if I do not focus on myself for these next few months, I will be emotionally unable to bring another little one into this world. I need to be healthy for my family.

I, probably like all of you, have many excuses. I'm too tired, I don't feel good, I don't have time, I have kids, my husband is never home, etc., etc., etc. The thing about it, is all of these excuses are REAL! They aren't going to stop tomorrow, or the next day. So, how do I work around these things? I have put in my head lately that "now isn't my time". I am so busy, that I cannot focus on weight loss right now. I will have to wait till my kids are in school, or my husband has a better schedule. WHAT?! Waiting? I realized I will be waiting forever.

So instead, I start now.

I know that it seems weird I haven't told anyone about this journey yet. I have my own reasons. Mostly I need to prove to myself I can do it. I struggle with eating, far more than exercise. I love to exercise, mostly. But my eating, well, I love to do that too. And I like the not-so-good things. So, I'm hoping weight watchers will enable me to focus more on what and how much I eat as I consciously write it down each day. It was a lot of money to sign up...especially for someone who isn't exactly "rollin' in the dough". But, I knew if I sacrificed that money, I would actually do it.

I am planning on keeping this blog as more of a "journal for the journey". Who knows if I will ever tell anyone about it or if anyone will read it. We shall see. But for now, it's just for me. As it should be.